Back In School

I have been busy with school and trying to finish these last courses so I can obtain that Bachelor's degree. I had worked for a great company when I turned 18 years old. They sent me to school and I was enjoying every bit of it for the first two courses but ended up dropping out after a professor spent an entire semester telling me and two other girls that we had no business in a man's world. That was 27 years ago.

Today, I am more confident and driven. I sometimes wonder where I could have ended up or what I could have done differently had I been confident back then. My whole life would be different, I suppose. I wouldn't have had the experiences that make me this confident woman today.

That is something. I think back to 27 years ago and I realize that it started even longer than that. I have battled my whole life to gain and sustain footing in this world. I've never been good enough for people.

Or have I?

A woman I recently met surprised me with this beautiful summary of me. She said that I was influential, motivational, and that I was her mentor, she was learning from me what type of woman she wanted to be.

Isn't that just crazy talk?

I had gone through my memories like I was watching a movie. In my childhood, I was happy with my mother. She always pushed me to go farther and try harder. She always told me I could do anything. She always encouraged me to do anything, girls can do anything.

When I had moved to stay with her sister and her sister's husband, my life changed. I was now not good enough. Sometimes I think this is weird but they never hugged me or showed me affection. In hindsight, I do not recall them showing each other affection either.

That is so strange to me. I am one of those people who hugs everyone, the annoying type who sees someone having a bad day and immediately thinks its okay to say "let me hug you".

Thank goodness people don't tell me but I know they think it, I am crazy and annoying, but for whatever I can not stop myself. I want to hug. I love to hug. It makes me feel better somehow.

Just listening to this woman talk about how she looks to me for guidance and admires me makes my heart fill up. How can this be? The girl who no one thought was good enough is now a woman that someone looks to for guidance? My heart. It just fills up with love and happiness to hear that.

I am not sure how it came to be but I am glad it is because I am now trying to get my Bachelor's degree. I should be completed by the end of 2019 or beginning of 2020, depending on how much time I decide to take off this summer.

I look at this journey I have been on and I can not believe I am doing everything they told me I wasn't good enough to do.

#getthatdegree #dontletthemstopyou #backinschool