This is 45!

My 45th birthday came (November 8th). It was not so bad. Actually, it was extremely wonderful. I had not expected that my boyfriend (MD) would bring me flowers the night before because he wanted me to wake up to "lots of flowers to make me smile". How adorable is he!? It was thoughtful and wonderful.

I am not comfortable receiving gifts, it just makes me feel strange.

How do you react? They are watching for your reaction and what if it is something I don't like? Surely I am not the only one who feels that.

I was overwhelmed with all the attention and gifts. My coworkers were so thoughtful. From well wishes to gifts to lunch to more flowers! The flowers! In my whole 45 years, I had never received so many flowers before. My whole home smells and looks like a beautiful garden right now. I received chrysanthemums, my birth flower, and roses, wildflowers, carnations, lilies, sunflowers, and Gerber daisies.

My boyfriend (MD) and his son (KT) took me to a birthday dinner, it was just perfect. At dinner, for the first time my day was slowing down. I looked around and at MD, so handsome, and KT, so sweet in this moment, just felt great. They really are my family now. Honestly, my heart was and is so full of happy.

My birthday didn't end there. The next day, a coworker, a friend, asked me to lunch. I didn't want to go because I had so much work to do. That seems to be my M.O. But he insisted and I am glad he did. We had the best conversation and genuine laughs.

Saturday afternoon, MD gave me a birthday gift, a laptop. It was a moment where I bit the inside of my cheek to keep me from crying. No one has ever gotten me a significant present like that.

Saturday night, MD and my best girl friend, RR, wanted to take me out for some fun. I would normally choose to work on homework or actual work over going out. I always feel like I should be busy and should get as much done as possible at all times. This time, I chose fun.

It was so much fun! I met RR's new male friend, maybe will be a boyfriend but its still early. We had so much fun. I am so glad they talked me into letting go. I needed to let go. The funny thing is that I had spent so much time fearing turning 45 and here the last 3 days celebrating, the age 45 was never a thought or a mention. It was just another year of wonderful to celebrate.

I don't expect people to understand but I had not been recognized for so many years. No presents. No attention. Not for holidays or occasions. Years and years of just existing. I am not used to having attention or the focus of a moment being all about me. My 45th birthday was just that, though. All about me.

It was strange, beautiful, exhilarating, surprising, and just full of happy, friendship, and love.

#birthday #agedtoperfection #embraceyourage #45thbirthday