What is Unconditional?

Unconditional. What does that mean? The dictionary defines it as not subject to any conditions, not limited. So what does that mean? No matter what someone does, are you supposed to ignore it and accept them as they are? What if they are destroying themselves? Let them? What if they are destroying relationships? When does unconditional love and friendship give way to healthy boundaries? I married a man I loved much. When we started, the love was healthy and energetic with fantastic chemistry that lit my heart on fire. Somewhere along the lines, drugs became a part of his daily routine. Sometimes I wondered if it was because he was always trying to escape the expectations he had in his life. It ruined my respect for him, our family, and ultimately, based on his deceitful and unforgivable actions, our marriage. We had been together for 20 years, around the 10th year it went downhill, and it took another 10 for me to walk away. It was the hardest and best choice for my well-being emotionally and mentally.

Fast forward six years and I am in the best place I’ve ever been. I’m in a new mature relationship based on trust and respect. It’s incredible how much this relationship has opened my eyes to the truth that I had once viewed dysfunction as standard.

During this six years, I reconnected with some friends that had parted ways when we became adults. My life became full of exciting parties and adventures. My friend and I took a couple of new road trips to places I had never been. We had the best of times just feeling as free as could be. It was refreshing. Laughter and adventure, what else is there to bring joy to your heart, right?

Fast forward six years and I love her all the same except, we’ve changed. I have gotten my life together for the most part. Improved my finances, advanced in my career (not a job, career), fell in love, got my place, and went back to school. During this transformation of my life, we kept together but with a short distance between us. I still felt as though she was my best friend. I look at her as the direct polar opposite, slowly going onto a path that is self-destructive. She lies to me. It is reminiscent of my marriage problems. Honestly, you can have a best friend that is just as close as a lover within your heart. I am watching her change. I see the lies she thinks are invisible. I know the difference in habits and attitude. I love her all the same, would and have done anything for her. Can I say she would do the same for me? I would hope so, two years ago I believe she would have. I continue to support her as a friend only to find she has been lying to me about who she is. All the while, she thinks I am naive enough not to notice the inconsistencies and the wrong decisions. I don’t understand.

Why can I not separate my emotions from situations to assure appropriate attachments and detachments? Even when I am hurt deeply, I tend to continue to love with a passion. Is there not a switch? Why is it so difficult for me to love from a distance? Why do I always feel the need to mend the broken? Once again, that leaves me to wonder, what does unconditional mean? When does unconditional love and friendship give way to healthy boundaries? I think in writing this, I answered that question. When is now? Painful or not, maybe the best way to mend the broken is to allow them to see themselves and evaluate their actions. Self-reflection. It’s most definitely painful but necessary.

#lifelessons