Trust Issues

Why do I keep discovering the people I care about are not exactly as I had envisioned them to be? It’s beginning to feel surreal. I get it; people have secrets. That’s a given; no one exposes all of their self. But when you discover the person you just spent three years being friends with is someone completely different, just selfish and uncaring. A fake. A liar. A person who lives two lives.

Does that make me a bad judge of character? I fell for his charm as a friend, as a person.

I thought he was my friend. I thought and was wrong.

He knew my story, the one I don’t easily share with others. The one where I explained the abuses of my past. He was fully aware that I would not take kindly to anyone trying to abuse me again. Here he was. He ultimately turned into an unknown person. The dead look in his eyes. No longer did he smile in his eyes and make me feel comfortable. I felt completely violated. My trust. Violated.

Does that mean he has lied to me for all these years? Do you realize how many times I have been alone with him? I trusted in him; I believed he was a friend who would never put me in harm’s way.

What does that mean?

There was no warning. There was no flirtation over the years. If anything we supported each other through our careers and personal lives. Am I that naive? Do I not deserve to be treated with respect and care? I have shown nothing but the utmost respect and friendship. Why? Why do I not matter?

I am deserving of safety. I am worthy of genuine friendships. I am deserving of respect. I am.

So now he has destroyed the friendship I believed us to have by exposing his true self. It has hurt my heart. He betrayed my trust. I am forever grateful for being able to get out of the situation. I was scared. I was stunned. I made different decisions this time. I made several different choices. I stood my ground, and I spoke the truth.

What was this teaching me? I finally understood. I can finally remove that particular cycle from my life, I have learned what I was supposed to. Once again, another painful lesson. I am thankful that I was able to remain true to myself and keep my integrity.

#lifelessons #growing