On the Path to Loving Me Again- A Reflection

There is a great transformation that occurs when people choose to leave abusive relationships in the pursuit of personal health and happiness. People learn to reach deep within themselves to recognize their own self-worth by cutting the ties of dependency and accepting that even though they may love another, it is not necessarily healthy for that person to remain in their lives.

I had been in an abusive relationship that brought about sadness that drained my spirit and sank me into self-doubt and depression. The relationship started off exciting, happy, and full of love; however my husband introduced drugs into our relationship and changed the dynamics of our relationship. My husband became a man I no longer recognized and I became a submissive enabler. My overall health and the outside relationships I once cherished became strained due to my efforts to hide the physical and emotional abuse. During one of the many emotionally abusive attacks, something changed inside me. Instead of falling to pieces and feeling that I was to blame, there was an unexpected and empowering sense of confidence that rose inside of me. Suddenly, there was a change in my perception regarding myself, the relationship, and my acceptance of the behavior.

I can remember the day I finally became fed up and decided to go for a walk to reflect on the words and actions that were occurring daily. The calming view of nature was surrounding me, the air felt crisp, and the trees were layered with a blanket of snow resting on the branches. The view brought me a beauty that I cannot fully describe and a comfort that touched my soul. It was clean and refreshing and felt cathartic. Newly found hope was shining a light towards a future with inner peace I had once felt unattainable.

Before that day, I had been debating the decision and feeling guilty. I had been focusing on building my mental and emotional strength. It seemed implausible that I had made it that far; however, I knew I was about to leave and never look back. I had no definitive plan of where I was going or how I was going to make it work but I knew I was ready for that change.

Often people stay in abusive relationships due to the comfort or familiarity of their relationship, fear of being alone or emotional reasoning leading them to faulty beliefs that things will improve. My great wish for society is to awaken people to the naked truth that self-respect is not selfish; it is healthy and necessary to become emotionally available to engage in any healthy relationship whether casual or intimate. I had been afraid of factors such as being alone, finding a new home, and how my decisions would affect those in my life. The renewal of my life began with that walk on that day because I never went back. I am proof that once a person recognizes their own self-worth, they are capable of transforming their life from a chaotic cycle of abuse into a balanced harmony of health and happiness. My decision was not an easy one but it has allowed me to love myself again.

#newlife #lifelessons #growing #justbreathe #learningtolive